Definition and Chocolate Ice Cream
by livxuponxhope
Summary: Without him, I would have no meaning. I realized this as he continued to eat his ice cream. XemSai, and references to AkuSai, AkuRoku, and XehanortVentus Oneshot Set during 358/2 Days


**Definition and Chocolate Ice Cream**

**Disclaimers:** I don't own Kingdom Hearts and relating characters. They are copyright of their respective owners.

**Warning(s):** Heartbreak, reference to sex and chocolate ice cream.

**Pairing(s):** XemSai, and references to AkuSai, AkuRoku, and XehanortVentus

**Spoiler(s):** If you haven't played 358/3 Days or you don't know diddly-squat about Xemnas' origins, don't read.

**A/N:** I've been longing to write this, and now I finally did. I think this might rank as one of my favorite fanfictions ever.

**Summary:** Without him, I would have no meaning. I realized this as he continued to eat the ice cream.

* * *

I _loathed_ number XIII with all of my nonexistent being. Number VIII was mine and that was something XIII couldn't seem to grasp. We had a past, one that was deeply rooted and one we remembered, unlike number XIII. Did number XIII even have a past?

"Since when do I complain about doing the dirty work?" Axel retorted as I finished ordering him to go to Castle Oblivion again. He was the key to taking out Xemnas, without him my plan to take over the organization would fail. But yet, Axel was beginning to switch sides. I noticed it as time passed.

"Something changed in you. Something at Castle Oblivion caused you to _change_," I stated one day when I had bumped into him in the hall.

"You're right," he said with a grin. I narrowed my eyes. I could sense a memory of fury and jealous rush through my veins.

"Does our past mean nothing to you?" I questioned. He chuckled and began to walk by me. That was a clear yes.

I turned to yell at him some more but before I could say anything, he said, "Look Saïx…Isa…I don't know what it is about Roxas that has affected me, but I'm attached to him. I'm not going to be your dog anymore." And that's when Lea broke my nonexistent heart. Our past had dissolved away. There was no longer a connection between us. If I had a heart this is where I'd die of sorrow.

That's when I became submissive and I myself turned into a dog. I was my superior's pet, he used me as he saw fit. And there was nothing that I could do about it. My plan to take over diminished and I was left with nothing. All I had was my newfound devotion to my superior; that was all I could cling to.

I was recuperating marvelously, until I saw them together. They were in a dark corner, a spot where no one would see them unless you had the eyesight I had. The redhead had the blond up against the wall and their lips were connected in a passionate kiss. I couldn't react. I was so…heartbroken.

I felt a strong hand on my shoulder and turned to see my superior standing behind me. My eyes widened as I read a look of "hurt" in his eyes. He was feeling something similar to what I was. I raised an eyebrow and he motioned for me to follow him. I did so without question and we ended up in his office.

"I see that you were 'emotionally' compromised by the sight of those two together," Xemnas stated. I nodded, I couldn't form words.

"I understand how you feel." I was surprised at that statement.

"Don't be ridiculous, Xemnas. We can't feel, we don't have hearts," I said. He chuckled at that and I turned to face him.

"It's true, we don't have hearts, but we remember what it was like. That's what makes us special," he said as he moved closer to me. "I'm going to let you in on a secret, Saïx."

"Yes superior?"

"I don't remember many emotions or much about my past, but I remember one emotion in particular." I was shocked to hear that the leader of Organization XIII, the ruler of all nobodies, didn't know his past or recall emotions.

"And what emotion is that, sir?" I questioned.

"Love," he stated as he turned to look out the window. Again I was shocked and my surprise grew as he continued, "You're no doubt surprised. Roxas reminds me of someone I think I used to know. Whenever I see Roxas there is a memory of love and there are flashbacks of this person that looks just like him. It's strange."

"What is this person's name?" I found myself asking.

"Ventus." My eyes widened. In our past Axel and I had met a Ventus, and he looked strikingly similar to Roxas.

"I met a Ventus once, sir, back when I was in Radiant Garden. But I don't understand how he has any relation to you." Xemnas turned to me.

"I'm not sure. I don't recall ever meeting him, but in the depths of memories he is there plaguing me." There was a strange silence between us. Neither one of us had anything to say; there was no need to speak. We understood each other and maybe that's what sparked Xemnas to do what he did next.

Hs lips were pushed against mine within moments. There was really no meaning behind it except for the fact that we both just needed this. We needed to remember what it was like to be accepted and needed. But the kiss ended quickly, we got our fill.

We didn't bring it up whenever we spoke after that. Yet I found myself thinking about that kiss almost all the time. It was always there nagging at my brain. And over time, due to that one kiss and that one secret, I found myself "feeling" the same way for Xemnas as I had for Axel. I had connected my memories of love to Xemnas.

I had walked into the kitchen one day to see him sitting there alone eating chocolate ice cream. I took the seat next to him and just watched him eat. There was something almost graceful about him that caused me to stare.

"Would you like some Saïx?" he questioned as he shoved the carton over a little. I grabbed a spoon from the silverware drawer and dug it into the frozen chocolate milk. We ate in silence.

"I can't stop thinking about it," I stated as I took another bite from the carton. His amber eyes widened slightly. He knew what I was talking about.

"I see." I blushed and turned away.

"It's alright. I've been thinking about it too." I caught his movement from the corner of my eye. I opened my mouth to question him and found his lips pressed against mine. This kiss was different. This one had meaning. The moment our lips touched a burst of passion surged through my body.

I leaned up into the kiss making it more intense. Since my mouth was already open Xemnas faced no struggle in shoving his tongue into my awaiting mouth. Our tongues fought for dominance and eventually he won. He pushed me onto the marble top and I pulled him down on top of me. He began unzipping my jacket as he broke the kiss for air.

Time crept by and we found ourselves completely naked on the counter. Our love making had been amazing which was evident by the amount of sweat cascading down our bodies. I was hot and panting and he was smirking at me.

"It seems like you need to cool down, my lovely diviner," he teased as he pulled the carton of now melted ice cream toward him. I raised an eyebrow at him as he took a spoonful of the liquid and spread it over my torso. I gasped as the cold concoction made contact with my burning flesh. He added another layer and I groaned at the strange yet wonderful sensation.

"Are you enjoying the feeling, my berserker?" he cooed as he scooped out more ice cream.

"Ah…yes my superior," I moaned as his mouth went to my right nipple and began to lick it. His tongue flicked in and out of his mouth slurping up all of the chocolate goo on the upper part of my body. He trailed his tongue down my torso to the base of my aroused member. I shook as a wave of desire ran through my veins. He smirked against my body as he trailed his tongue up to my jaw and sucked on the flesh there.

After several more moments of his licking and sucking, he were both incredibly aroused again. He wasted no time in penetrating me once more and I had no complaints. I realized right then as he kissed me again that he defined me. Without him, I would have no meaning. We completed each other and relied on each other; and after that night, as time went by, that fact only became more and more obvious.

We both associated our memories of love to one another and so we felt no shame or discomfort in saying the words, "I love you" because we technically meant it. We never showed affection in front of the others, frankly it was unprofessional and we didn't want to have the others talking about us. But we would give each other looks here and there that reminded us how the other felt.

I heard Axel mention to Demyx that he, Roxas, and Xion have sea-salt ice cream in Twilight Town every day after their missions are completed. I would've been jealous, but I have my own ice cream ritual. Every night I share a carton of chocolate ice cream with Xemnas, which is nice. But the events that follow are much sweeter.

I blame Xemnas for my sudden addiction to chocolate and various other sweets.

* * *

**A/N:** I want to point out why I love this fanfcition:  
1) Saïx says, "If I had a heart this is where I'd day of sorrow." I really like that quote because in the game _Kingdom Hearts II_ he says, "If I had a heart this is where I'd die of laughter." So it seemed like something that could become a catchphrase.

2) Xemnas says,"It's true, we don't have hearts, but we remember what it was like. That's what makes us special." That is actually a quote from Saïx in _Kingdom Hearts II_. I threw it in there XD

3) "Since when have I complained about doing the dirty work?" - Actual quote from Axel

4) That whole "you've changed" scene. That actually happens. Not quite like I wrote it, but it happens. SaIt just made me feel bad for I felt so bad for Saïx...

5) This all just seems plausible-ish to me IDK...


End file.
